My not so favorite word, yet becoming my favorite SELF-DISCIPLINE

Well last night was interesting , I was pondering journalling and crying....me crying it is a rarity. However I believe I was dealing with another level of fear. Which is funny because yesterday at church I was talking to my Pastor's wife and I was telling her about fear and at the end of the converstaion I said "I don't think I am done yet, so bring it on!" I didn't realize that it would be brought on that night though!! Well it came in full thrust. I am Victorious in it!! The neatest thing was that when I was talking to Laurel she started talking about 2 Timothy 1: 7
2 Timothy 1:7
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
she said do you know that a sound mind means self-discipline?
I was like ok! Whatever yeah it could make sense I guess you have to have discipline o take control of your thoughts etc.
anyhow last night during this little "thing" I was going through I told Trev what Laurel said. Even He didn't think it meant discipline. So we looked it up and guess what!!!! The only translation that says a sound mind is the King James. All the other translations and the concordance says discipline!!
Can you believe it..... what a word to be....the word I dread the most DISCIPLINE!!
Well
FOR GOD HAS NOT GIVEN ME A SPIRIT OF FEAR; BUT OF POWER,AND OF LOVE, AND OF SELF-DISCIPLINE!!

Discipline means: to bring to a state of order and obedience by training and control. Training expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior, especially training that produces moral or mental improvement.
There isn't just one area of my life that needs discipline...it is in every area!! Trev and I where talking last night and realizing that there is not one area of our life that has any discipline. We wake up when we want to, we work out whenever we want to, we eat whatever we want to, we ignore the messy room, we ignore then messy life....wondering why it isn't improving no matter what we do.
Last night we also read some guys blog about self discipline and he said that if you don't have discipline then you don't live in reality....with me that is true... I see what I want think oh I would really like to have this, or if only this would happen I would be better at this...... I sweep (of course not literattly because then that would mean cleaning) everything under the carpet hoping it goes away! Yet the more I do it the large the mound of ignorance grows and then I lose it freak out and do what it takes to remove the mound , then start all over. I don't remove the mound I just flatten it. I don't get to the core......
With Discipline....the mound would never grow out of control. The things in my life that are out of control would be easy and relaxing. I have alway said that when my house is clean I am at
peace. Wow never realized the meaning and truth behind those words.

So now what? I'm not sure, however today I did get up at 7:oo am , made tea and now have been blogging for the last hour. It is now 8:00 am Time to be disciplined and work out.
Father I pray for this new revelation...I ask that you would grant me grace and wisdom and the means to change y ways...to stop dreading discipline but embrace it as me. Father you are so amazing for revealing this to me....I ask that you would continue to clean me out from fear, from crap that is not of you. Freedom is what I long for.
SO mom if your reading this I know that you be saying..." Havent I been telling you this the last 33 years" Thanks ! It confirmation! I will let you all know how my journey to discipline goes.....feel free to ask me about it...to keep me accountable with it. Please!!
God is good....He is so faithful, and patient. when you say bring it on...watch out, because He does......its another step to freedom, another step closer to the promise land!!